Thread:Joanne Maniago/@comment-29570797-20160821000649/@comment-29570797-20160928175757

Koishi-Komeiji wrote: The writing is sloppy. Very sloppy. It's not a nice read.

And the focus of the story is Michelle dying, not about her past. You've dragged the story by rambling, which is not good. Ah man, never thought I made it wose. I actually tried to apply the advice you gave me into the writing, but I never realized that I made my writing junk. What was the first part of my writing that I did wrong this time?