Thread:Joanne Maniago/@comment-29570797-20160821000649/@comment-24965192-20160827044815

As I've said in my critique, the starting and ending weren't nice when these two are extremely important. The starting is to encourage the readers to read on, so a good starter will most definitely do so. The ending is to leave a memorable impact on the readers, and a good ending will have people not forgetting your story anytime soon.

Also, I think you should chop down the fat blocks of paragraphs into small ones. People tend to feel more comfortable reading short paragraphs; some are even intimidated by long ones.

I also believe the interest was sustained, albeit at a low level. This is because of the repetitive dragging in the sentences. I noticed there are barely any short and simple sentences. Just like above, no one likes to keep reading long sentences either.

Besides, I feel that the making out part should've been extended. Throughout the story, it was all about Elliot trying to get to Chieko. It would've been a better climax if there were more drama and romance in it.