O Deadly Night/Transcript

Bureau Headquarters, Siberia: Christmas Eve...

Lars Douglas (wearing a Santa hat): Merry Christmas, ! I'm so excited the holiday season is finally here!

Jack: I love the holidays too, but 's right. We still have one small thing we need to take care of before we can get festive... SOMBRA.

Chief Ripley: With Natasha's help, we learned that someone in COSMORUS has supplied launch codes to SOMBRA. The question is, what do they intend to launch?

Chief Ripley: We also learned that COSMORUS has an outpost here in Siberia and SOMBRA must be heading for it.

Jack: Something suspicious must be going on for COSMORUS to bury themselves in the snow all the way out here!

Lars: Bro, you and  should check out the Northern Lights at Lake Baikal while you're here! You can't be all the way up here and NOT see the lights!

Lars: , be sure to dress warm. This can be a hostile environment with temperatures sinking below -13F!

Jack: Alright, , we've got to see what SOMBRA wants with these launch codes. Let's start our search at Lake Baikal!

Chapter 1
Investigate Lake Baikal.

(Jack is seen wearing winter attire throughout the murder investigation.)

Jack Archer: , is there someone frozen in that block of ice in the middle of the lake?!

Jack: There is! And you're right! The person frozen in that block of ice looks like... Santa Claus!

Jack: , is that blood on his coat?

Jack: Ho ho... oh no! This wasn't an accident! Someone KILLED Santa Claus?! , we've got to save Christmas!

Jack: I see you found some clues! This fake white beard must belong to our slain Santa and it's soaked in blood. We'd better get a sample of that asap, !

Jack: What about this torn card you found? It does look Christmassy...

Jack: Alright , let's get our frozen Father Christmas into autopsy before he melts like a snowman on the Riviera!

Examine Ripped Card.

Jack: , the card you taped up is one of those pop-up ones!

Jack: There's a Santa and an elf on it with a message that reads: "Santa Claus and Forrest Sugarcrystal invite you to the annual Christmas party at The Snowed Inn."

Jack: The Santa on this card must be our victim! And you're right, ! Forrest Sugarcrystal must be... the elf.

(Forrest runs into the scene.)

Forrest: Nick! Yo... Nick! You out here?

Jack: Whoa! Who are you?!

Jack: Wait... you look familiar. Are you... Forrest Sugarcrystal?

Forrest: Who's asking?

Jack:   is asking. Just our luck 'cause we've got some questions for you, Mr Sugarcrystal!

Question Forrest Sugarcrystal about the victim.

Forrest: Say what?! You found that fool frozen stiff in the middle of the lake?

Forest: How am I gonna tell the kids that Santa's dead?!

Jack: I'm assuming Santa Claus wasn't his real name...

Forrest Sugarcrystal: You ain't gonna believe it, but Santa's real name is Nick Kringle. His parents must've hated him.

Jack: Right, so this Nick Kringle, who was he and why were you out here looking for him?

Forrest: Nick and I did maintenance work at COSMORUS, but we also played Santa and elf for the town every Christmas.

Jack: He seems like an unlikely choice for that role...

Forrest: Well, the town loved him, so when he didn't show up at The Snowed Inn for the party, they got worried. I came out here looking for him.

Jack: Unfortunately, Santa won't be coming to town anymore, but you're still here... so stick around for further questioning.

(After talking to Forrest Sugarcrystal)

Jack: , did we just talk to a large man-elf about Santa's death... in the middle of nowhere?

Jack: Anyway, now that we know that our victim was actually playing Santa for the locals, we've got to go where the party is: The Snowed Inn!

Investigate Christmas Bar.

Jack: , this bar has the holiday spirit! We could have our Bureau Christmas party here!

Jack: Ooh, Santa's bag! That must've been our victim's. Let's dig inside and check out the gifts!

Jack: A Santa photo? With some guy sitting on our victim's lap? Whoever he is, he doesn't look too sober...

Jack: <Name>, since we can't make out who he is, maybe you could run his face through the database for a match.

Examine Santa's Sack.

Jack: What's that you found in Santa's bag, <Name>? It looks like a paddle...

Jack: It's a what? A spanking paddle? You mean... like in a sexy way? What kind of kid asks for THAT for Christmas?!

Jack: Oh, there's a tag on it? A good dusting will let us know who this "joyful" gift was for.

Examine Faded Tag.

Jack: The message on the tag of the spanking paddle says: "Spank me, I've been naughty."

Jack: That's definitely not for a kid...

Jack: It's actually made out to someone called Dominika Snegurochka.

Jack: I'm starting to get the impression that our good Saint Nick wasn't so good... or saintly. Regardless, let's look around the bar for this Dominika!

Ask Dominika Snegurochka about the spanking paddle from the victim.

Jack: Excuse me, ma'am? Are you... Dominika?

Dominika: Yes. You want something from Dominika? A candy cane cocktail? Or perhaps something... "off menu"?

Jack: What? Uh... no? We're investigating the murder of Nick Kringle. We found the Christmas present he bought you.

Dominika: Nick is dead? Who will play the Santa Claus now?

Dominika: For years before Nick, we had no real Santa around here. It's too Westernized, they say! What's wrong with a little holiday cheer?!

Jack: So Nick moved to town and took up residency as the local Santa. Did he do anything else besides that?

Dominika: I don't know and don't care. He was American, perfect fit for Santa.

Dominika: But don't think it was his Christmas spirit that inspired his charity. Dominika repaid the favor to Nick the way only Dominika knows how...

Jack: Uhm... okay... I think we have all the info we need... for now.

Examine Unknown Person.

Jack: The drunk guy sitting on Santa's lap in the photo has been identified as one Nikolai Sharapov.

Jack: <Name>, why does that name sound familiar?

Jack: That's right! We met him in Moscow! He was a suspect in Darya Chernova's murder. He's that COSMORUS scientist!

Jack: What's he doing here in Siberia?

Jack: Better yet, what's he doing getting drunk with our victim? Looks like there's more to this stuffy scientist than meets the eye.

Jack: <Name>, we need to have a chat with Nikolai. And seeing the state of his drunkenness in this photo, he's probably passed out somewhere in this bar.

Find Nikolai Sharapov and ask about his photo with the victim.

Jack: Is anyone here Nikolai Sharapov?

Nikolai: Shhh! Stop yelling! My head is ringing! I feel like... death.

Jack: Funny you should say that. We're investigating the murder of Nick Kringle, or Santa Claus as you might know him.

Nikolai: Santa's dead? But we were partying together. He kept buying me shots.

Jack: I didn't peg you as the kind who spends the night drinking and taking selfies with Santa.

Nikolai: I'm not, but I met Nick at work and we hit it off. Normally, I'm just a boring scientist.

Jack: Boring as you may be, we might need to ask you some more questions, so you should take it easy on the booze...

Nikolai: Don't say the word "booze"...

BAARF!

Examine Bloody Beard.

Jack: Now that you've taken the sample of blood from the Santa beard, let's send it over to Lars!