User blog comment:Leavegirl/Sorry for everything/@comment-34873280-20190811033447

I'm not annoyed by you, I never was. I was worried for you. I never found trouble and you never caused me trouble. I hope you can recover for your own health, and like I said, you can write on my message wall anytime you feel upset.

I get that many users get upset or annoyed when you tried to speak out, or they became angry, sad, or uncomfortable around you by the messages I see. Yes, I seen those chats on other users walls, but never interfered at the time because I didn't know about it at the time. I don't want to post any here because they may be accusing towards others and I don't want to stir up a conflict, especially now, but I'm not like that. I will never say you make me uncomfortable or that your messages trouble me. No one can say that I feel uncomfortable,  because I won't. On their message walls, they may act this way, but they have no right to act this way if it's on my wall. It's my wall, and I decide what I want to go on there, and I'm absolutely fine with anything you write. Seriously, even if it takes pages and pages of the wall, I'm fine, I'll be fine.

There's gonna be a place you will need to let your emotions or thoughts out, because you do post them on other walls. I'm not forcing you to write on mine, but mine will be a place you can put your thoughts and feelings into. I won't report to admins or high-status users and I'm absolutely fine, fine, I repeat absolutely fine, with you posting anything there. It's your choice, but if you choose to, I'll respect it. I may not be here 24/7 to reply, but when I do, it won't be negative.

You aren't alone in this battle. Here's my thought on this:

1. You try to say something about yourself or your problems in hopes people will understand them to someone else

2. They eventually or immediately grow uncomfortable and express some anger or emotions towards you

3. You feel like you're causing trouble and your self esteem gets worse. And with that your problems

There are a lot of comments I've seen from other users, not explicit examples, but saying you cause problems, you make them uncomfortable, and such, and you think it's all your fault, and they react more negatively because they don't know what to do.

There are many users on this wikia, and I have only control of my account sadly, so I cannot force everyone to act the same way I do. Higuys, is one of these people that act very kind and understanding, as per his comment below. He understands and his reaction isn't one of uncomfort, it's support. Other users don't understand how their comments are hurting you, because honestly, this is the internet and we lost almost all of our consideration there is another person behind the screen. "Go see a therapist", "you're causing problems", and other quick hurtful talk like that. They don't understand, because every person here, is just a person. Whether they have control of this wiki, they don't control real life, and they're equal to us outside of it.

They have their points of view, and I have mine. I hope you don't feel like you caused many problems, because you haven't. Many users here don't understand your personal guilt or problems, or that everything is stemming for that. You may have made mistakes, but there is no need to feel apologetic and upset that you annoyed people, we all make mistakes and can fix them. Many users may have been annoyed, but you don't have to be apologetic. Don't feel guilty, but please feel hope. I'm here and so are many people, maybe at varying degrees, but still here. There are probably many people before, with, and after you that face these exact problems with different masks, and they ended up doing or feeling things worse, some people even threathen other users. You did none of that, and you don't have to feel extremely guilty. You may be embarassed or ashamed, but you can look past that and see hope. I have faith you can recover, and no matter what happened on this wikia, you will be able to recover from these problems. No one here, even the admins, have the right to judge you or assume you or what you feel unless they are in those same scenarios. As far as I see, they never said they are, so they don't know you as well as they think they do. I don't either. I'm not saying me or anyone in particular does, because you only know, but we can control the way we respond.

There will be people always, that have maybe negative reactions, that see you for something you aren't. I've seen the exact messages that may have made other users uncomfortable, and I'm not uncomfortable, because I want to support you instead of dismissing you. You can always post on my message wall when you like, because I'm going to be here, when I can, and will not respond negative but in a positive way. I promise you, no matter what happens, people will help you, not judge you, and will persist with you. Some won't, but others will.

Outside of here, share this infortmation with your family and possible counseling when and if you can feel comfort in doing so. They are here to help you in real life, and there is always another person in line to talk to, doctors, family, closest friends, social services, counseling, therapy etc. For the time being, try talking to just me and others with your messages if you would like, as in this phase, seeing negative messages from other users will probably make it worse. They aren't bad people, but what they do may be bad. If you see any messages that upset you, ignore them, they're coming from just another person behind another screen on another PC. They aren't real in that sense, and they have no power or ability to judge you. If you would like to take a wikia break, it's your choice, but from your message you feel extremely upset, just by the caps in the last sentence. That;s why I suggest to focus on the positive messages and ignore the negatives. I see you messaged other users and by their reactions they reacted in a negative manner and you felt very guilty, as shown here. If you ignore the upsetting words of those users, and instead, as an idea, try messaging me, I won't react negative, because I focus on helping people rather than telling them to change themselves. If you message anything you want to message, you feel ok with messaging on my wall, like opinions or maybe even just what's going on, as long as you are comfortable, I won't ever act negative or judge you. I hope that by seeing that some users won't react in a negative manner, instead of feeling guilty, you'll feel hope and maybe one day write a blog on how you feel happy again. I hope that day comes.

In the meantime, you're free to take a break or focus on the positives, and especially, I suggest talking to a person in real life you trust instead of just this wiki, as probably most of these people are just young and really have no idea what their words mean (I'm not belittling anyone, especially in particular, or trying to offend them, it's just my perspective). You have hope and please don't feel guilt. I understand you feel like you did a lot of things wrong, but you can do a lot of things right, but only with confidence. My message wall is here anytime you want to post anything online to a person who won't judge you for it. I hope you get better.