Template:Home-Random Quote

"In my community, I have to give the appearance of always winning against ALL ODDS. That way, people will never dare gamble with me."

- Nikolai Kamarov[src]

"...I'm here to remind you the law is above EVERYBODY!"

- David Jones[src]

"Orders are orders!"

- Chief King[src]

"Rule number one: never go anywhere without your trusted frying pan!"

- Eduardo Ramirez[src]

"You say your victim puked near the hot dog stall? Thanks for bringing me this right before my lunch-break, guys, I don't think I'll have that hot dog after all then..."

- Grace Delaney, upon her analysis of a vomit lab sample[src]

"My team, my responsibility, my rules. You might as well get used to it!"

- Chief Marquez

"Oy! Get outta my way, you punk! Go back to your toys or I'll make you cry into your mum's panties!"

- Frank Knight

"He knew how important my phone was to me. Why would he take it away? I'd just die if I couldn't update Friendnet for more than two days, you know what I mean?"

- Gwen Stanford, upon hearing the death of her father[src]

"So the victim's head exploded under the shock, and I beat my record for skull reconstruction by three minutes!"

- Roxie Sparks

"Analyzing those samples was easy enough. Doing it while telling a bedtime story to my daughter on the phone... THAT took skill."

- Yann Toussaint

"Then I... er... called the bank and flirted with the cashier until she told me who the number corresponded to."

- Russell Crane, upon finding out who the number on a check corresponded to[src]

"I may have broken a law or two, but I got the info you need. Isn't that more important... you know, catching bad guys?"

- Hannah Choi

"The killer's behavior doesn't make sense. Now if I had done this.."

- Russell Crane

"In all my time as a judge, I've learnt two things: never leave your pudding unattended and... Oh, I forget the second thing."

- Judge Dante[src]

"That's the last time I step into Hannah's shoes! Corpses don't have to be switched on and off a million times to give answers. Corpses are pretty much always off!"

- Roxie Sparks, infuriated after being forced to perform a digital analysis due to Hannah Choi's unexpected disappearance[src]

"It's okay, Alex. Just know that, no matter what, I love you."

- Cathy King, confessing her love for Alex Turner[src]

"I've always found snakes to be fascinating, and Joe's a really nice specimen! Funnily enough, I've got a tattoo that looks a lot like it. Although I can't really show it, because it's… I had it tattooed on… Nevermind. Forget I said anything!"

- Nathan Pandit[src]

"Only the weak kill, because they're not brave enough to live earnestly!"

- Judge Hall[src]

"I'm Roxie Sparks, coroner by day, party girl by night..."

- Roxie Sparks, introducing herself to the player[src]

"Good afternoon, brain-dead slaves of the fascist oligarchy – can I offer you a slice of lasagna served with a side portion of 'what the hell do you want?'"

- Fredo Mancini, to Amy Young and the player as they approached him for yet another interrogation[src]

"No border. No order. No master."

- Inner Chaos' motto[src]

"Ha, you needn't worry. I've got no intentions of keeping Inner Chaos alive. Fredo was a crazy bastard, but without him it's just not the same. Everyone's disbanded."

- Johnny Crossman[src]

"That's very funny, kid. How about less funny jokes and more worky-worky, huh?"

- Frank Knight[src]

"Wow. This woman is hot! Did you notice she compared me to James Bond? She was totally flirting with me!"

- Frank Knight on Sue Xiong, moments after interrogating her[src]

"Ahmet: Why not? I didn't like him! And I don't like you, either! But it's OK, Mister Cop, 'cause you're too old and fat to run after me! Like Radovan, you'll have to die trying! Frank Knight: Hey! Come back, you little... He didn't mean it, did he? Am I old and fat? I could totally catch him!"

- An exchange of words between Ahmet and Frank Knight[src]

"Priest: Do you, Manka Radich, take Steve Srebnik to be your lawful wedded husband? Manka Radich: I do! Priest: Do you, Steve Srebnik, take Manka Radich to be your lawful wedded wife? Steve Srebnik: I do. Frank Knight: Do you, Frank Knight, take the buffet to be your lawful eaten dinner? Oh yes I do! Let's head to the reception!"

- Frank Knight, interrupting the Serbian wedding ceremony[src]

"Veronica Blade: And can I just say you have the look of Abe Lincoln about you, Detective Knight? I'm reading his biography. It's fascinating. Frank Knight: My mom did always say I should be President..."

- Veronica Blade and Frank Knight[src]

"Nathan Pandit: I've finished the autopsy on your victim. Basically, the method in which your victim was murdered is called a "Colombian necktie". David Jones: Our victim was killed with a necktie?"

- Nathan Pandit and David Jones[src]

"Well, if the shamanic ritual is our only way of experiencing the Pilgrim Feast, it’s time to get high in the name of justice!"

- David Jones[src]

"Hello Andrea, missed me? Anger management, what a bore! If taxpayers knew how we waste their money! Went to Beerfest instead!"

- Frank Knight[src]

"It's those street racers again! Those creeps like to show off in big cars, riding the streets like it's a race track, causing accidents everywhere they go!"

- Frank Knight, reacting to the underbelly car crash[src]

"Hey! Anybody home? Wakey wakey, it's the Pacific Bay PD! The door was unlocked, that's not very safe, you know!"

- Frank Knight[src]

"Oh boy, the body you brought me was such a mess! Did you see his skull? It was wide open like a strawberry jam jar! What a masterpiece!"

- Roxie Sparks[src]

"Hannah Choi: Ooooh, I love that meme! I've even ordered a T-shirt of it! Frank Knight: What the heck is a meme, Hannah? Hannah Choi: Funny, I thought all the dinosaurs were extinct centuries ago... Seriously, you belong in a museum, Frank."

- Hannah Choi and Frank Knight[src]

"Samuel King was the best Chief of Police this city has ever had. He accomplished great things... and even if he lost himself, we shall remember him for all the Good he accomplished. May he rest in peace."

- Mayor Johnson, at Samuel King's funeral[src]

"C-Chief King was someone upright! I've w-worked with him since I joined the police, I know... knew him! He would never..."

- Eduardo Ramirez, mourning at Chief King's funeral[src]

"And here I am! Eduardo Ramirez, Private Detective, at your service!"

- Eduardo Ramirez, after reuniting with the player[src]

"I was starting to think you'd never come into my humble office. Russell Crane, profiler at your service."

- Russell Crane, introducing himself to the player[src]

"Awww... A red rose? That is so romantic. I had a boyfriend in High School who gave me roses once, it was so nice! I remember it because he was allergic, and our date ended at the hospital..."

- Amy Young[src]

"So let's look at the score... Holy golfing maggots, you're winning by quite a margin! I'm already 10 over par, and it's only the fifth hole!"

- David Jones to the player during a game of golf between the two[src]

"Judge Dante: Fredo Mancini, it says here that you're an artist. Fredo Mancini: I'm not an artist! I'm an anarchist, you fascist!"

- Judge Dante and Fredo Mancini, during the latter's trial[src]

"A murder AND a child abduction? I've heard of multitasking, but this is ridiculous! Tammy Baker, you've taken it too far."

- Judge Dante, addressing Tammy Baker during her trial[src]

"Mrs Wong? What are you doing here, is there a problem with my order of medicinal mushrooms?"

- Judge Dante, questioning Yuan Wong as the herbalist arrives to face her trial[src]

"Alex Turner: Y'know, Jones, next time you find a victim's phone you could try taking a look at it yourself. My talents are wasted on such trifles! David Jones: You should deem yourself lucky we're finding you stuff to do!"

- Alex Turner and David Jones[src]

"Nathan Pandit: Well, I had to cut your victim open to inspect his digestive system and -- David Jones: Jeez, Nate, can’t you spare us the details?"

- Nathan Pandit and David Jones[src]

"Of course, we're going to talk to him strictly for investigation purposes... but my hair looks okay, doesn't it?"

- Amy Young to the player, moments before having to interrogate her high school sweetheart[src]

"Sorry, Frank, but this case requires some real brains."

- Russell Crane, mocking Frank Knight after being chosen to replace Frank as the player's partner[src]

"I am indeed a great admirer. In fact, I'd love to take you out on a date: we could get candy apples and you could tell me more about the Puppeteer."

- Russell Crane, "flirting" with Madeleine Deville[src]

"Freddie Alonzo: What have you ever done with your life?! I will be remembered for ever in Jazz Town! I was the boy who dared to dream and make his own life as he pleased! Russell Crane: You'll more likely be remembered as a balding creep who killed innocent citizens."

- Freddie Alonzo and Russell Crane[src]

"You know we've been trying to catch you for years. I was starting to think that the Puppeteer was actually a puppet himself, some toy that came alive at night and killed people, but turned back into a doll by day."

- Judge Dante, mocking "The Puppeteer" during the latter's trial[src]

"Russell Crane: Oh, you came here with Amy. Hi, Amy. It's been a while. You're looking good. Still chasing criminals, eh? Amy Young: Oh hi, Russell. Still chasing them, yeah."

- Russell Crane admiring a shy Amy Young[src]

"Criminals, by nature, are a cowardly and superstitious lot. They often need to rely on meaningless rituals to justify their immoral deeds."

- Russell Crane[src]

"The Puppeteer was maybe my biggest challenge yet. But I don't know why, every time I finally come face to face with serial killers, they always turn out to be so very disappointing..."

- Russell Crane[src]

"Hey, I do like something in this podunk town: the pie! I ordered seven slices from room service last night!"

- Frank Knight[src]

"Frickinfrakkinratzafratz…"

- Allen Muir[src]

"Allen Muir: Frickinfrakkinratzafratz… Frank Knight: Listen mister, if you could stop grunting and say something that made sense, it might help."

- Allen Muir and Frank Knight[src]

"Yann Toussaint: The powder was actually spores from Agraricus sylvicola! Frank Knight: Agra-whatsit sylvi-whosit? Who is that, some kind of Roman Emperor?"

- Yann Toussaint and Frank Knight[src]

"Anyway, so your ex is a murderer, big deal?! You should meet some of my exes!"

- Frank Knight, to Amy Young[src]

"Did you bring a dog into the courtroom? Are dogs even allowed in here? I guess if they are as cute as that one, I'll make an exception…"

- Judge Dante, addressing Tucker Smalls during the latter's trial[src]

"I watched Jenny Galguera's soaps with my granddaughter last summer, but I mostly remember her annoying voice. Is that the reason you killed her?"

- Judge Dante, addressing Miranda Galguera during the latter's trial[src]

"Hold it! Don't shoot yourself, or I'll shoot you! Uh… I didn't mean that! Just… put the gun down, Ms Grant!"

- Frank Knight, as he attempts to persuade a suicidal Eva Grant[src]

"Archibald Gilchrist: Don't you know who I am?! Jack Archer: The Monopoly guy?"

- Archibald Gilchrist and Jack Archer[src]

"Welcome to London. My name is Ingrid Bjorn, secretary to the chief of The Bureau's European Branch."

- Ingrid Bjorn, introducing herself to the player[src]

"Order in the court! I’m Judge Adaku. The Bureau has just dragged me out of retirement in the Bahamas to run this court, so I’m not in the mood for forgiveness!"

- Judge Adaku, during Enid Grimshaw's trial[src]

"Catch me if you can!"

- Jack Archer

"Dig a little deeper. We'll get to the bottom of this."

- Carmen Martinez

"Angela Douglas: Those chemicals could damage your eyes, hun. Lars Douglas: Don't worry babe, you're a sight for sore eyes!"

- Angela and Lars Douglas

"Seriously? That's your password? How basic."

- Elliot Clayton

"Tell me all your dirty little secrets. I promise I won't tell."

- Marina Romanova

"The past is a world yet to be explored."

- Armand Dupont

"Take the tip or leave it, just don't forget to read the Holly Hopper column for all the hottest gossip!"

- [[Holly Hopper[src]|undefined

"To the one who betrayed us. May all the Stars judge his soul. For they'll watch over us until the Planet is cleansed of the darkness."

- The Utopians' motto[src]

"The Utopians discourage their own members to question their actions. You must never pry, never doubt their orders. I hated this."

- [[Russell Crane[src]|undefined

"It takes a lot to make a barman cry, believe me, I've pretty much got a doctorate in bartender psychology!"

- [[Frank Knight[src]|undefined

"Fun fact: victims of longitudinal impalement can survive up to eight days depending on the insertion angle of the object."

- [[Angela Douglas[src]|undefined

"Lars Douglas: Did you get a chance to listen to my demo tape yet? Good stuff, right? Carmen Martinez: Yeah. My favorite track was called: "Where's the result of my lab sample 'cause I don't have time to waste?!""

- Lars Douglas and Carmen Martinez[src]

"Fun fact: branding irons must be at least 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit to create instant third-degree burns in human skin!"

- [[Angela Douglas[src]|undefined