Thread:Joanne Maniago/@comment-29570797-20160821000649/@comment-29570797-20160909040130

Koishi-Komeiji wrote: Sure! Give me your best shot. Okay, here is my best shot:

"Stillness. That was all Michelle could feel as the bell landed on top of her. Pure shock overtook all of her emotions as she landed on the ground. Normally, a person like her would be screaming in agony due to their wounds, but Michelle could feel no pain. All she could sense was darkness entering her body. Just pure darkness.She knew that she was losing blood fast. Michelle could also sense that her body was starting to shut down. It was then that she realized that she was dying and nothing could be done to stop it from happening.

As she started to slip away into death, Michelle thought about all of her life. From her abusive childhood to her days as SOMBRA's lawyer, her whole life flashed before her eyes. Though she did some wrong things in her life, Michelle knew that she did the right thing by betraying SOMBRA. She knew that in her heart that SOMBRA was a corrupt organization, intended on using children as their main source of recruits. She remembered that one SOMBRA agent had the decency to say that the use of children would be SOMBRA's way of 'Fighting to the Death.' But as her memories were nearly finished, she quickly remembered that the Bureau had given her a chance, a chance in which she was able to redeem herself. While she did not know how the bell fell on her, she knew in her heart that the Bureau would find out why.

Despite not knowing, a small part of Michelle believed that this was the work of SOMBRA. That this was the price to be paid for her changing sides. As her last breath came, Michelle saw a bright light in front of her and what appeared to be a hand reaching out towards her hand. As her eyes closed for the last time, and her body taking its final breath, Michelle let out a whisper:

'My death will not be in vain.'

And with that, Michelle Zuria's eyes fully closed and her body stopped breathing. She was death. And her blood spread out beneath her body. By then, Carmen, Jack, and Alan had arrived where Michelle was. Nothing could be done, it was too late."

So, what's your honest evaluation over what I have written?