Thread:Joanne Maniago/@comment-29570797-20160821000649/@comment-24965192-20160929062937

And now allow me to clarify what I mean for the anon.

Yes, I won't lie that I didn't mention the fact Solon should elaborate more on Michelle's past. But that was clearly for the effect that the world is slowing down for her—metaphorically, not literally. Throughout the midsection of the story, the writing drags as it continues to ramble off-topic, which pulls the reader away from the seat. And when a reader is pulled away for too long, the reader completely forgets the main focus of the story and draws all of their attention to the obstruction, isolating any emotions or care for Michelle before. From the way you gave your opinion, it's clear that you had been more absorbed about the backstory rather than Michelle's death. Where's the compassion of Michelle leaving (as that was what Solon wanted)? I didn't change my opinion—I'm clarifying what I mean as Solon misinterpreted it. Writing is no easy task. If you feel my critic was unnecessary and that I'm looking for pointless flaws, then no, I'm not. I'm speaking on behalf most of the readers, ergo I'm directing him to satisfy most readers and critics, which is the safest place.

You may not like Michelle. I can't say I do either—since I've not followed CC since forever. But an anonymous protagonist is what everyone starts with the moment they write the first word on a page. From there, you have to build the character and have readers start caring for the character. But through backstory only, that will never work. If you have a main character no one cares for, you lose your main stature of the story. You also mentioned that knowing about the past is good. True, true, true. But there's a thin line between information for effect and information dump, aka obstruction. The writing dragged on with the past so much that Michelle's death is completely thrown to a corner of a room and left there. Backstories keep a reader interested, sure. But again—it dragged and rambled, and therefore, lose interest in everything before. You want interest to be piqued and sustained throughout the whole scenario, not part of it.

I'm not oppressing your view on my judgment. I had been keeping myself short and simple, because Solon himself, as the writer, has to know what's wrong with his writing. And I was aware people may misinterpret. So, I clarified myself now and I hope you understand my critique properly. Also, I called it sloppy, because of the way he wrote. It seemed out of place, and Michelle being out of character, and also because of pointless rambling and misusage/overusage of punctuation. Reading shouldn't be just nice to hear through your mind—it should also be nice to hear when said aloud. That's what makes sentences great, ergo your writing great.