God Save the Prince/Transcript

The Bureau’s European HQ, London, England…

Ingrid Bjorn:  , it’s an honor to meet you. I hear you’re an expert on murders… solving them, that is.

Ingrid: Welcome to London. My name is Ingrid Bjorn, secretary to the chief of The Bureau’s European Branch.

Ingrid: As I’m sure you’ve heard, The Bureau are the elite. We report to no government or higher order, only to justice. We fight the criminals no one else fights… and we want you to join us.

Ingrid: But, let me make this clear: the world’s safety is in our hands. This is dangerous, top secret work and if you’re not interested in the challenge, then I suggest you leave now. What do you say?

Ingrid: Excellent. We understand each other. Now let’s meet the chief.

In the chief’s office…

Ingrid: Ma’am, this is  , the new recruit.

Chief Ripley: Ah, , just in time! You’ve been following the news, I presume?

Chief Ripley: No?! Well, we’d better show you. Ingrid, fetch the slides.

Ingrid: Over the past few months, Europe’s been hit by an unprecedented wave of violence.

Ingrid: Belgium’s Atomium was burned to the ground…

Ingrid: … The Prime Minister of Denmark was assassinated…

Ingrid: … The Amsterdam Riots were horrific!

Chief Ripley: And these are just the attacks the public know about!

Chief Ripley: We’re pretty sure there’s someone behind this, but we have no idea who!

Chief Ripley: That’s why we brought you to Britain, . We need you to find out who’s behind this chaos.

Chief Ripley: Right, let’s hit the ground running. You’re going to Westminster Lane in London. Local police have asked for help, I’m not sure what with.

Chief Ripley: I’m partnering you with Jack Archer. I believe you’ve already met. He’ll meet you there in about-

Ingrid: Ma’am? Is it wise to partner  with Jack?! He’s a little… wild.

Chief Ripley: Unorthodox is what we need right now. Besides, with  around, Archer might actually learn something!

Chapter 1
Investigate Westminster Lane.

(Before investigating Westminster Lane)

Jack Archer (as British Policeman): ‘Allo ‘allo ‘allo! What’s all this then?! Blimey, don’t ya know this is a bleeding crime scene!?

Jack: Oh, it’s you  … don’t you recognize me, mate?!

Jack: Sorry about the disguise, . I was trying to blend in.

Jack: Glad you got here so fast. Something’s definitely not right on this street, . I’ve cleared the area so you can have a look around.

Jack: I’ll leave you to it. I need to get out of this costume, before anyone assumes I’m a real British policeman and asks me about Sherlock Holmes!

(After investigating Westminster Lane)

Jack: I’m just a visitor, but I’m guessing a body in a phone box is not an everyday London occurrence!

Jack: His face looks swollen, like he suffocated!

Jack: Wait a minute! I know who this is, ! It’s Prince Albert! He’s the heir to the British throne!

Jack: This is huge! Who’d want to kill a royal? Everyone loves the royal family! I’d better call the chief and update her!

Jack: Chief, we’ve got a problem! Prince Albert has been killed on Westminster Lane! What are your orders?

Chief Ripley: Dear God! What was the Prince doing on Westminster Lane?! This is a disaster!

Chief Ripley: Right, keep the murder a secret until  catches this killer. We don’t want to start a panic!

Jack: Okay, , first we get this body to Angela. She’s our genius coroner. She’ll be able to tell us something about this prince!

Jack: What else did you pick up? Some broken metal pieces. Alright, let’s see how fast you can put them back together!

Archibald: Excuse me, out of my way! I’ve a jolly important meeting with jolly important fellows at the bank!

Jack: Excuse yourself, pal. This is a crime scene! There’s a dead body, if you haven’t noticed.

Archibald: Goodness gracious! That’s the prince! I… thought I saw something near that telephone box, but I never-

Jack: You saw something?! Right,  <Name> will need to talk to you.

Archibald: Have you gone potty?! Don’t you know who I am?!

Jack: The Monopoly guy? Look, I don’t care. We’re on a murder case, your meeting can wait – justice can’t!

Examine Broken Pieces.

Jack: Hey, good job! Those broken pieces you picked up on the crime scene make this pendant!

Jack: It looks like a family crest, but whose? And what was it doing next to the Prince’s body? You got any tricks up your sleeve for this?

Jack: You have access to the database? Man, you do have high clearance! Okay, well I’ll let you run this family crest through the database!

Examine Family Crest.

Jack: Wow, this case goes to the very top! It says here that crest you found on the crime scene belongs to Count Rupert!

Jack: According to the database, Count Rupert is next in line to the throne. If Prince Albert dies, Rupert inherits the crown!

Jack: Sounds like this guy has the perfect motive! Come on, let’s go talk to him!

Ask Count Rupert about his relationship with the victim.

Count Rupert: Do hurry this up, one has to get back for one’s polo match this afternoon.

Jack: Something tells me your match is going to be canceled, Your Lordship. Prince Albert was just murdered.

Count Rupert: Good gracious! Albert… dead? How could this be! Who’d want to harm that sweet, innocent man?

Jack: That’s what we’re trying to work out. You do know that this now makes you the heir to the throne?

Count Rupert: The heir? How… interesting. One is gobsmacked!

Jack: It also makes you a suspect.

Count Rupert: Don’t be absurd! How ridiculous! One would never kill someone, just to…

Count Rupert: … become heir to the richest kingdom in the world… that’s just poppycock!

Talk to Archibald Gilchrist about his presence on the crime scene.

Archibald: It’s really a crying shame about Prince Albert. My bank is responsible for managing the royal fortune, so I met the fellow often. Damned good chap.

Jack: You don’t seem that upset.

Archibald: That’s my British stiff upper lip. No need to get all melodramatic and American about something as trivial as murder.

Jack: You mentioned seeing something strange near the phone box. What was it?

Archibald: I saw someone hiding in the bushes, watching that telephone box. I presumed it was just some chap with a phone fetish!

Archibald: Couldn’t make out a bloody thing about the shadowy fellow, but I did see them running off to the Globe Theater.

Jack: The Globe Theater? That old looking theater in the center of town? That’s worth checking out. Let’s go, <Name>!

Investigate Theater Stage.

Jack: So that “shadowy fellow” that snooty banker mentioned came to this theater. Have you found anything that connects them to our case?

Jack: You think that candle could shed some light on why the killer came here? You think there’s something written on it? I’ll get your dusting kit so you can take a closer look.

Jack: Coooool! You picked up a box of costumes. I’ll handle this, I’m the master of disguise, after all!

Jack: Oh, okay. You go ahead this time, <Name>. Let’s see if you find anything interesting in there.

Examine Costumes Box.

Jack: So what’s so special about those gloves you found? There was some interesting stuff in that costume box, after all.

Jack: That’s the royal crest on the gloves! Do you think these gloves belonged to our victim?!

Jack: You want to analyze those gloves further? I know just the woman to help – Marina Romanova.

Jack: She’s our icy Russian profiler and I think she’s hot for me!

Analyze Gloves.

Marina: So you’re the <Rank> <Name> everyone is talking about. I’m Dr Romanova, but you can call me Marina.

Jack: Hey sweetheart, you never answered about that date we were supposed to go on!

Marina: Oh Archer, the bitten nails on your left hand suggest your charm is skin deep, whereas your side-parted hair tells me you still have issues with your mother. Neither are qualities I look for in a lover.

Jack: The meaner you are to me, the more I like you!

Marina: Delusions are never healthy, Archer. Now <Name>, I’ll get straight to the point: those gloves you found in the theater belong to your killer.

Marina: The royal crest links them to your murder. However, they can’t have been the victim’s as they seem well used. Princes wear a fresh pair of gloves every day, it’s tradition.

Marina: Furthermore, there are tiny red marks on the glove’s tips, consistent with paint from a London phone box. Therefore, they must be the killer’s.

Jack: So, you’re saying that the killer is a member of the royal family?!

Marina: Not so simple. Everyone wants “royal style” clothes these days. You can buy these gloves in shops. The interesting thing is, these aren’t ordinary gloves. They’re horse riding gloves!

Marina: <Name>, I’ll bet my doctorate that your killer enjoys horse riding!

Examine Candle.

Jack: Nice work! That candle you found at the theater is awesome! Look at that weird symbol on it!

Jack: We’re in luck, <Name>! We’ve hired a new team member: Armand Dupont. He’s a historian and symbols, culture and stuff are his specialty.

Jack: The Bureau only recruits the best, but if I’m being honest, Dupont could put me to sleep in a heavy metal concert! But we should still take this candle to him.

Analyze Strange Symbol.

Jack: Hey Dupont, this is <Name>, our new detective investigating the Prince’s murder.

Armand: Ah, <Rank> <Name>, enchanté. Monsieur Dupont at your service.

Jack: You French, you’re always so charming-

Armand: How dare you! Ridiculous American boy-child! I am not French! I am from Switzerland!

Jack: Yikes! Sorry to wind up your cuckoo clock there! Will you just tell us about this symbol <Name> found on that candle?

Armand: Ah, bien sûr, the candle! It was most illuminating. That symbol is clearly a “magic spell”. Superstitious nonsense, if you ask me!

Armand: The only time I’ve seen this symbol is in a book written by some mad monk called Brother Klaus. He is a very strange man, I’m surprised the British police haven’t arrested him!

Armand: If you found it in the theater, <Name>, that must be where Klaus is hiding. A dark and somber theater? He must feel right at home!

Jack: Okay… So we’re going back to that creepy theater to talk to a creepy monk about a murder… Cool. I’m going to let you lead on this one, <Name>! I’m sure you can handle it…

Talk to Brother Klaus about his “magic spell”.

Jack: Hello? Is there anyone there?! Honestly, <Name>, I don’t think there’s anyone here, Dupont must’ve-

Brother Klaus: Who dares disturb me?!

Jack: Oh my God! <Name>, save me!

Brother Klaus: No. I am no God. I am just a monk. Hiding in this theater from the wickedness of the world!

Brother Klaus: I have seen many things. The fall of mankind, the destruction of souls under the crushing weight of modernity, the fires of Hades burning human flesh!

Jack: Okay… <Name>… I doubt we’re going to get much out of this guy. I don’t think he could even tell us what planet he’s currently on!

Brother Klaus: Vermin! Ghouls! The Antichrist is coming for you! Your sins shall have nowhere to hide!

Jack: Thank you for all the advice, Brother Klaus. We’ll come back when you’re… less crazy!

Autopsy Victim's Body.

Angela: Pleased to meet you, I’m your coroner, Angela Douglas.

Jack: And it says that on her Nobel Prize for Biology! Cool, huh?!

Angela: Oh stop, Archer. A Nobel Prize isn’t a big deal. Eliciting secrets from dead bodies, now that’s-

BANG!!!!

Lars: Baby! I’ve almost worked out the chemical compound of lithium bicarbonate!

Angela: <Name>, this is Lars, my husband. He works in forensics. When he’s not blowing things up, that is!

Lars: So you’re the detective who brought in Prince Albert. What a terrible murder!

Angela: You haven’t heard the worst of it. The autopsy revealed the Prince was poisoned! His lungs were filled with carbon oxychloride – poisonous gas!

Angela: I examined that phone receiver the Prince was holding. That’s where the gas was released!

Angela: A small canister was hidden inside the phone, designed to release the gas when the phone was spoken into! Pretty sophisticated murder weapon, right?!

Jack: So the Prince picked up the receiver and was gassed! But what was he doing on Westminster Lane? How did his killer know he would be there?!

Angela: No idea! I can tell you your killer made a mistake. I found traces of Camellia Sinensis inside the device. The killer drank a cup of tea before killing the Prince.

Jack: The killer drinks tea? Isn’t that what EVERYONE in Britain drinks all the time?!

Jack: Okay, <Name>, evidence is evidence and we’ll catch this tea-drinking killer even if we have to interview every person on this damn island!

Later, back at headquarters…

Jack: First day on the job and we’ve got ourselves a murder more than British cricket!

Jack: So who’d you think killed the Prince? I have a few theories…

Jack: Firstly, that banker dude. He didn’t seem upset about Prince Albert’s death, but that could just be his “stiff upper lip”!

Jack: Count Rupert, the new heir to the throne, wasn’t that cut up either. He was more interested in how much money he’ll get. So much for royal duty!

Jack: We know the killer rides horses and drinks tea… that could be anyone in this damn country, from a chimney sweep to the Queen of England!

Jack: Ha! Yeah, wouldn’t that be funny, if the Queen turned out to be a suspect. Would we get beheaded for that?

Guard: <Rank> <Name>! You are to come with me at once!

Jack: Wait a minute, you can’t just barge in here! What authority do you have?!

Guard: The Queen of England’s authority! Her Majesty wants to speak with you!

Chapter 2
Guard: <Rank> <Name>! You are to come with me at once! The Queen wants to speak to you!

Jack: The Queen of England wants to speak to us?! Man, we must be in trouble!

Jack: She must know we’re busy investigating her grandson’s murder! Um… what happens if we don’t go?

Guard: The castle has plenty of dungeons… Follow me!

Later, in the Queen’s castle…

Guard: Her Majesty will receive you shortly! Wait here and don’t touch anything!

Jack: There’s that famous British politeness for you!

Jack: <Name>, you’re right! If this is the Queen’s castle, then the victim lived here too! Do you think there might be some clues here?

Jack: Come on, let’s have a look around while we wait for the Queen.

Find out what the Queen wants.

Guard: All rise for Her Majesty, Queen Mary III!

The Queen: So, you are investigating my grandson’s murder. We will be keeping a very close eye on the investigation. The killer, when caught, must be brought to us!

Jack: Errr ma’am, we can’t do that. This isn’t the Middle Ages, we have rules and-

The Queen: We are the law! We want this killer caught and brought before us before we finish our afternoon tea. They will pay for this terrible crime! Is that clear?!

Jack: Okay… So, Your Majesty. Can you tell us anything about your grandson? Did he have enemies? Would anyone wish him harm?

The Queen: Enemies? Preposterous! Everyone adored Albert. Servants, the public, his family. When I taught him how to ride a horse, even his pony adored him!

The Queen: Now away with you. And bring us this killer.

Jack: You’re not going to have us beheaded if we don’t, are you?

The Queen: We are not amused.

Investigate Treasure Room.

Jack: What a place, <Name>! Can you imagine living here? It must be like being an exhibit in a museum!

Jack: But I’ve gotta say, there’s some cool stuff. Look at those suits of armor. And that sword you picked up! You want to have a duel?! En garde!

Jack: That’s the Prince’s crown on the hilt, too. And what are those blue crystals on it? They can’t be jewels? Better collect a sample.

Jack: I’m gonna level with you. I don’t know much about books. So you’re going to have to tell me why you picked that one up.

Jack: Oh right, someone’s ripped a page out! Come one, I’ll get your dusting kit so we can find out what was written there!

Examine Sword.

(Before examining Sword)

Jack: <Name>, our scientists created a new device to collect substances. We’re pretty proud of it. It vacuums up samples from any surface!

Jack: I thought we could use it on those crystals! Don’t worry if you don’t get all the particles first time around. Not everyone is as good at using it as me! But good luck anyway!

(After examining Sword)

Jack: <Name>! How… How did you collect those crystals so quickly?! You’re an absolute natural!

Jack: I’ll let you rest whilst I take this sample to Lars. Let’s see if he finds anything interesting about these blue crystals you found on that sword.

Examine Medieval Book.

Jack: You were right, <Name>! You retrieved the text from the missing page in that book you found in the castle.

Jack: Errr… What does “When beggars die there are no comets seen” mean?

Jack: I guess we should get this to Dupont to decipher. Let me just grab a very strong coffee first!