Board Thread:Fun and games/@comment-35029270-20181206040721/@comment-2234243-20190118234336

Case: Dead Girl Rolling

Victim: Barbara Pickley

Killer: Susie Pickley

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Amy Young:  Susie, you're under arrest for the murder of your mother-in-law, Barbara!

Susie: What are you talking about!? Barbara was like a mother to me, I'd never kill her!

Amy Young: The evidence tells us it was you, Susie. You left some of your conditioner on the bottle of Rocket Cow you left for Barbara to unknowingly drink.

Susie: I'm allergic to caffeine! I'd never get anywhere near Rocket Cow!

Amy Young: That's probably why you wore those gloves you tried to throw away in the stadium bathroom. Too bad you left some of your nail hardener on them!

Susie: Everyone in the derby uses nail hardener! And just because I'm in a tough sport doesn't mean I'd kill anyone!

Amy Young: Tell that to the contact lens you lost while trying to cover your tracks. We know the truth, Susie, so just explain why you'd kill Barbara. Were you that irritated by all her advice?

Susie: No! I only did it when I found out she was trying to drive a wedge between me and Howard! I couldn't let her do that!

Susie: ....

Susie: Alright, you caught me. I poisoned Barbara. After I found out she had that blogger chick stalking me, I realized what her game was. She was trying to find some proof I was stepping out on Howard so she could convince him to leave me. Probably because she couldn't stand that I'm not the shy, weak little girl I was when she met me.

Susie: At first, I thought I'd just let her spin her wheels until she realized I would never betray Howard....but then I stumbled across the pictures she had and saw she had pics of me with that street performer who was obsessed with me! I just knew she would go running to Howard with some story that I was actually sleeping with that freak! I love Howard and he loves me, but I knew Barbara had him wrapped around her bony little finger and would convince him to leave me.

Susie: So I decided I'd use our one similarity to my advantage: our shared caffeine allergy. I waited for the right moment and swapped her daily bottle of tea for some of that stuff. It served her right for trying to take my true love from me!

Amy: I guess it's true that love makes you do crazy things. But nevertheless, Susie, you're under arrest....

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Judge Dante: So Susie Pickley, I see you're charged with killing your mother-in-law with.....Rocket Cow!? I knew that stuff would rot your teeth, but I didn't think it could be used for murder!

Susie: I plead guilty, Your Honor. But I never would've been driven to such lengths if that WITCH hadn't tried to turn my husband against me!

Judge Dante: In-laws can be tricky, but like all other problems in life, murder can never be used as a solution. Therefore, Ms. Pickley, I sentence you to thirty years in prison, with a possibilty of parole in fifteen. Court adjourned!

Susie: I did this for you, Howard! I love you, please forgive me!