Thread:Joanne Maniago/@comment-29570797-20160821000649/@comment-29570797-20160828010313

Koishi-Komeiji wrote: As I've said in my critique, the starting and ending weren't nice when these two are extremely important. The starting is to encourage the readers to read on, so a good starter will most definitely do so. The ending is to leave a memorable impact on the readers, and a good ending will have people not forgetting your story anytime soon.

Also, I think you should chop down the fat blocks of paragraphs into small ones. People tend to feel more comfortable reading short paragraphs; some are even intimidated by long ones.

I also believe the interest was sustained, albeit at a low level. This is because of the repetitive dragging in the sentences. I noticed there are barely any short and simple sentences. Just like above, no one likes to keep reading long sentences either.

Besides, I feel that the making out part should've been extended. Throughout the story, it was all about Elliot trying to get to Chieko. It would've been a better climax if there were more drama and romance in it. Noted. I must say that you give a great overall run down of the good and points of my story. With that said, I was wondering if you would be interested in being a beta reader for me. I mean if you don't want to be one, that is fine. But I am only asking for I want to write some more and I have learned that it's important to have a beta reader to check the quality of your reading. And I believe that you would be an awseome beta reader. Just wanted to let you know that.